Someone wrote on the a pin on Pinterest the following text:
"Why I am, are two of the most powerful words, for what you put after them shapes your reality."
In an instance I realized how true that is. Just give it a try. I am lacking energy. I am no good. I am failing…….etc. Did you feel the negative energy of these statements? If not, try to find some you think are relevant for you.
Then try this. I am enough. I am just fine. I am OK. For most of us these statements are way more positive, but sometimes so hard to make with real conviction.
"How come is it so hard to be positive about yourself"
Why is that? Probably because our educational system, both at home as in school is based on preforming more and better, all the time. It is unfortunately not focused on learning you to like and love yourself. So programmed as we are to perform better, we start to think that “it is never enough or good enough” and then this evolves, from a thought that should move us forwards, into a blockage that is keeping us from performing. A blockage that is slowing us down, because it is cause doubt and uncertainty, makes us revise our articles over and over again, stops us from doing things at all because what is the use, it will never be good enough. And then something strange happens. We start to project the judgement call about the activity on ourselves. And it will become a blockage that will make us feel like we “are never good enough” or in this case “I am….not good enough”.
"How I deal with this"
I personally started some time ago to tell myself I am OK, it helped, but it got even better recently when one of the speakers at an event where I was the moderator made a great remark: “Sometimes something is just good enough and perfect as it is, perfectly good actually”. So this is my morning mantra since then: “I am perfectly good, just as I am. Whatever happens, it might make a different approach necessary, but it will not make me feel different about me, because it does not define me. I am just perfectly good.”
"Just saying “I am good enough” will not work"
Of course, just saying “I am good enough” will not work. You will have to find out why you are having these thoughts that block you. And then address that issue. Deal with it and move forward, not to perform more, but in kind love for yourself, perform better. A coach can help you with this process. If you want to know more about selecting a coach for you, have a look at this article I wrote about this subject. (Here for that article in Dutch).
But you can already start by yourself by trying to be kind to yourself. Ask yourself questions like, “why do I believe this not good enough?” and “even if it is not the best article around, does that say something about me or just about the article?”. Do some soul searching and you will find out that in most of the cases the negative feeling comes from you projecting judgement calls about an object or process on to yourself. But keep in mind that a badly executed process, is just that, a badly executed process, it says nothing about the person executing it.
So stop linking your person to whatever it is your doing right or wrong. If you failed at executing something, it does not mean you have failed as a person. Be aware of that and be kind to yourself, life will be so much more easy.
And you know what? You might actually perform better and be even more productive, just because you are less afraid and more relaxed. So give it a try and let me know how it worked out.
If you have any questions about how coaching can help you with the abovementioned subject or any other, do not hesitate to contact me (either in English or Dutch) at email@example.com or at 036 - 848 34 77. Looking forward to hear from you.